dear diary
by Childlike-Complexion
Summary: Jump,Splat,Puff,Slash,Silence. The life betweem Duncan and Courtney as kids leading towards the future. The diary explains it all.
1. Finding the thing that matters

**Disclaimer:Don't own TDI I'm pretty sure Chris Mcclain does!**

**Not sure to post this don't like it tell me.**

**Dear Diary: chapter 1**

I pressed my back against Duncan as we laid together in our bed. I sighed as he rubbed his hands up and down on my arms. I grabbed Duncan's pocketknife off the wooden stand up dresser and slit open my box full of old trinkets from high school.

Duncan started kissing my neck as I unfolded the cardboard side panels and drew my fingers into the box and pulled out a flyer of a school dance in 2000.

I ran my fingers across the crinkled paper and smiled in reminisce of memories Duncan and I shared there. Duncan gently took the paper from my hands and snorted when he thought back to the day 9 years ago.

I reached back into the box and pulled out a picture of a group of kids at a beach smiling and posing for the camera. In the photo there was four people besides Duncan and I.

There stood an average sized man with russet skin with bright green eyes. His hair was cut into a neat fade. Stood next to him was a olive colored blond, he had the deepest chocolate brown eyes I've ever seen.

Draped around his arm was a short, very short vanilla colored Puerto-Rican with long brown and blond hair. Next to the girl was a pale boy with blond hair and a red nose.

I flipped the picture over and scrawled in messy writing was the saying "Remember the days-2000." I pressed my fingers against the note and felt a wave of shame raise into me, I couldn't recall there names.

I looked up to my loving husband and he shrugged he could not remember them either. I sighed again and pulled the next thing out of my box. A cheer leading outfit with the words written on the back, Captain Courtney.

I smirked at this and raised it up to Duncan. He grabbed it and muttered, "It probably still looks hot on you princess." I rolled my eyes and pulled out more items.

Items after Items all having special memories to each single one of them. It was from special stuffed animals, to skating rink tickets. There were School car wash flyers, An old arm cast, even the lipstick I wore to my high school prom.

All the items I kept since High School. But the most important thing in the entire box is my journal. The journal I wrote through the whole school year, for a class project. Expect this journal turned out into the best diary I ever owned.

This Diary was a drama project, If I recall correctly it was supposed to "repress our feelings." I laughed and flipped threw the pages. I showed Duncan and he smirked, "Do I finally get to read it?"

"Yeah Duncan you finally get to read it."

**Nine years into the past.**

**Courtney's Pov**

"Freaking life bites man" I said as I walked through TJmax. I scanned the aisles looking for something interesting to use as my journal.. They all were to plain, Or just not Courtney-ish. I mentally banged my head on a table, because I reached the end of diary section and everything is just plain ugly.

I rubbed my hand down my face in irritation. "Ugh life is not on my side." I said being melodramatic. I felt a tap on my shoulder and a elderly woman with gray hair and liver spots was smiling at me.

"Um you seem infuriated is there something I can do to help." She said politely. I usually don't like the elderly but this woman just gave me that vibe. "I don't think so I'm just looking for nice looking journal." I said using the innocent voice all children use around adults.

She smiled sweetly and handed me a journal. "I know this is kind of odd but I had this with me and I would like to give it to you. Its mine you don't have to pay for it. You just seem like a young one I could but this in good hands with." She said with her liver spotted face flushing in embarrassment.

I don't really ever except things from strangers but this notebook was beautiful. It was a dull black notebook. It had gold ridges with swirls indented in it. Inscribed on the front of the notebook in gold were the words..

_"A Princess's Diary"_

"Why would you give me this if its so beautiful?" I asked the elderly woman. "I've have this funny feeling this notebook right here," She pointed to the notebook "Will turn your life upside down, and make a new beginning for you." She raised her hands creating the explosion motive.

"Plus I've had it forever and I want somebody else to have it and that person is you." she said poking me in the chest. "T-Thank you." I said stuttering over myself in confusion. She bowed her head and almost walked away but turned to face me. "Oh and deary don't open the last page of the notebook till your sure you had your last adventure as a child." she said grinning like a fool.

I nodded several times and raced to my car were my dad was waiting. "What took you so long kiddo." My dad asked putting the divorce papers in the glove department and frowning at me showing his stress lines. I lied not wanting him to know I talked to a random stranger for 15 minutes.

"Couldn't make up my mind." I said half lying.

_

* * *

**Courtney Williams Day 1**_

_Just got my journal for drama class._

_At first I wasn't excited about this journle till I met this crazy old lady at the store and she gave me this GORGOUS diary._

_The first day of school was of course BORING. but on the plus side I finally talked to my mom in like a week_

_Apparently the new divorce is taking a rough toll on her or is it just because she just got out of rehab._

_I'm worried about my dad too, he doesn't seem like his normal cheery self. but the divorce is a good thing_

_I can't even remember all the sleep-less nights because of their fighting. UGH well anyway back to this nice but crazy old lady._

_She gave me a pretty diary and nothing was written in it...._

_and then she's like don't look at the last page and its totally tempting me to look at it!_

_I wonder what it says......._

_But I've been wondering a lot of things lately._

_But I guess I'm done with the first entry. Today was just to boring to add on to it._

_**-August 25,2000**_

_

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_

**Nine years back into the future**

**Duncan's Pov**

Courtney was about to flip to the next page of her journal but I stopped her. I placed my hand on hers and pulled it away from the diary. She looked up to me in confusion, and slight irritation.

_Ah still Feisty as ever even after eight years of marriage._ "I was thinking Princess, why don't we read just one page of the diary today? I said asking her.

"Why would we do that." Courtney asked. I shrugged my shoulders and snatched the diary away from her. "Don't you want to reminisce our high school experiences slowly." I said waving my hands around like a magical genie. "Plus I'd rather be doing something else at the moment." I said hinting her.

Courtney rolled her eyes and turn towards me and gave me a chaste kiss on the lips. I frowned when she pulled away. "Not tonight." She said and rolled off of me. I groaned and rolled over on top of her.

"Why?" I said whining like a two year old.

"Because your acting like a baby and I'm tired." She said being a blunt little brat.

"I'm not tired, I'm fairly energetic." I said smiling at her.

Courtney blew a heavy sigh and turned off the light "Goodnight Duncan." She mumbled to me.

"Fine but I vow to get laid tomorrow Princess." I said loudly.

"Whatever." Courtney groaned half asleep.

--

**NEW STORY**NEW STORY**NEW STORY**NEW STORY**NEW STORY**NEW STORY**NEW STORY**NEW STORY**NEW STORY**NEW STORY****

For those who are a bit slower than others this story plot is: Duncan and Courtney find there old highschool crap in there garage and deciede to reminise. Then they find courtneys old Journle an ederly woman gave her and decide to read it. Everyday they'll read a new page of it and remember what it was like in highschool. Also no offense if you didn't get it off the bat I'm slow too!

**NO CREDIT TOWARDS EMILY CAUSE I SAID SO= BUT EVERYONE SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DERANGED PIXI**


	2. No, No, and a yes?

**R&R or nothing. Disclaimer:/ nothing.**

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"Nay, never,nix, not, absolutely not." I said, apprehensively.

No way was I going to go see that conniving, villainous, pig. He thinks I ruined his life.?

He scarred my childhood! I pushed back a loose hair behind my hair, and looked down to my Friend.

"I informed you why I cant see him right?" I said dolefully. "Yes you did, but I still think...." Noah stated, but I cut him off.

"No buts.." I growled. "Court, don't cut me off." He said scornfully.

"I personally think you need to suck it up." Noah said, pushing his squared glasses up higher on his eyes.

"Suck it up!" I hissed at him. I swaggered over to my window,and peered out. "Noah I can't go outside at night!" I continued to rasp at him.

I pointed to my window with my freshly manicured hand,and said, "He'll probably slit my throat when nobody is aware." I said,making abhorrent silting remarks across my throat.

Noah smirked at my wisecrack. "He won't kill you." Noah said smirking.

"Maybe injure you affectingly,but no killing." Noah said laughing.

"You think this is funny!" I shrieked at him. Noah rolled his eyes,and stared back down at his book.

"It was your idea to even see him." Noah said,smirking at a certain degree. "I think you secretly miss him." Noah continued to ogle at his book.  
"I do not." I said in disbelief. "Yeah, yeah keep telling yourself that." Noah said,waving me off.

Noah proceeded to snuggle into my couch cushion,and continue to read his book. "Hey Court,did you know the Twilight series is a rip off of classical books." He said,glaring at the 'ripped off' book.

I laughed softly.  
Noah was my 5'8 best friend. He had straight brunette hair with a slight wave in it.

He wore regular clothes with the slight "I prefer nerd than jock thing."

We truly have nothing in common,but hes the one person besides "you know who." that can catch me in a lie.

I sauntered over to my window,and peeked at him house. It hasn't changed in years.

No renovations,no nothing. I looked up to his window,and tried to peer in.

When I got a good enough view,I looked up to him staring at me with disgust. His head was cocked to the side,probably guessing why I was acting like a peeping tom.

My eyes widened in shock,and I backed away from my window seal."Um Noah I'll be right back." I said,stumbling over my words.

"Uh-huh." He mumbled to me.  
I skidded down my steps,and headed over to his house. I walked up the cobble stone stairs leading to his porch,questioning myself whether or not to leave now while I had the chance,or knock.

I rose my hand up,but dropped it wimping out.  
I sighed,rubbed my hands down my face,as I proceded to walk away "Honey did you need something." A woman with a heavy Italian accent,said.

I turned around,and faced Duncan's mother. "Um,I just wanted to talk to him" I said,looking at her sadly.

Her eyes brightened,and waved her hand inside. "Come on then." She said,cheerfully.

"I think he misses you." She said in the same tone as before.

"I highly doubt that." I said,under my breath. The older plump woman caught my arm,and mumbled "Courtney."  
"Look I know you guys aren't on the right track,and you ratted him out and all,but it was his fault,don't take the blame." She said with an ounce of hope inside her heart.

"He doesn't like people Court, don't take him as a bad person." She said,continuing her speech.

"Hes good at heart." She said smiling. "Somewhere down there." She said,laughing softly. "He's my son I just know it."

I smiled at that,and continued to head up the stairs. Don't hate me. Don't hate me. Don't hate. I continued to chant in my head.

I stepped in front of his door,and got nervous all over again. I took a deep breath,and knocked hard.

Loud rap music cut off,and there was rustling coming from inside. "Hold up." He said.

I haven't heard his voice in years.

His door swung open,to him staring down at me.

"What the heck are you doing here princess?" He said, sneering the word "Princess."

"I um..." I said, grabbing a chunk of hair from behind my head, trying to think of an excuse.  
"Hurry up, I don't have time for bullshit." he said, with the same tone of speech.

"School project...." I replied,looking up at him with pleading eyes. "Really, you want me to help you?" He said, giving me fake sincerity.

"After, you, got me sent to military school.." He said lowering his voice. "I don't know, that's just to generous." He said, glaring up at me from his bed.

"I'm..." I said, once again loosing my voice. "Your what?" He said, glowering up at me.

"I was a little kid." I said trying so convince him. "And I wasn't!" He bellowed at me.  
He stood up, out of his bed,and stalked over to me. I tried to back up, but he reached, and grabbed my shoulders.

"He grew..a lot." I murmured sub consciously.  
He looked down at me, and glared. "You ruined my life." He said staring down at me with a sick smile.

His sick smile grew ,and grew till he started chuckling."You know whats funny Courtney?" He questioned me.

My eyes grew in shock, that he verbally used my real name.

He opened his lips, and said, "People wonder how, and why I started acting the part of a criminal." He answered, still smiling.

And my only response to that question is, "Courtney."

Duncan released my shoulders,and pushed me out his room. I stood there in utter shock,and back up,and turned around heading out of his house.

"How did it go?" His mother asked.

"Just freaking dandy." I said with tears spilling over my eyes.

_Day 2 of the Diar_

_Absolute failure... He still hates me,and probably always will_

_Gosh life sucks.  
-Courtney._

**9 years in the future.  
**

"I made you cry." I said,bluntly after Courtney finished explaining what the contents of that diary entry meant.

"Yep." She said smiling at me. "Don't freaking smile.." I said staring wide eyed at her.

"It's not humourous." I said,looking down in shame.

"It's not a big deal,relax." She said,wrapping her arms around me. I slid my arms around her waist,and rested my head on top of hers.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to her. "How can I make it up to you." I said,being completely sincere.

"Making sweet love to me." She whispered to me.

I smiled at that and said, " Didn't I make a vow in the last chapter of Kaila's story to get laid..."

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**The other chapter two I sent you was an important AN and you guys didn't read it so you had no clue what I wrote.... We'll since you didnt read it I decided to let you suffer and be clueless and not know till the next chapter. Not my fault you didnt read the An. Read and REVIEW. or no update. 25 reviews or nuthin. sPACED OUT BAD BECAUSE EMILY CAN'T SPACE SHIT. (beta)**


	3. Ring around the Rosie

**R&R or nothing. Disclaimer:/ nothing**

I quickened my pace out of Duncan's house, and headed down the street. Tears were streaming down my face. I didn't want to go back to my house, and let Noah and my family see me in this state. I quickened my pace down the street, and tucked my arms in my sweatshirt.

I looked both ways, and passed into the park. I looked up to a beautiful sight of children laughing, and playing in the rain. I wish that could be Duncan and I again. I stared at a group of kids playing ring around the Rosy.

_"Duncky lets play ring-around the rosy!" The eight year old Courtney shouted._

_"That is so girlie, NO!" A nine year old Duncan shouted. "Why it'll be fun." I pleaded with Duncan._

_Duncan smirked, and shook his head yes. He grabbed my hands, and we started to skip and sing. _

_"And we all-OOFF." I remember I sung. Duncan had grabbed my arms, and shoved me to the ground. I remember him chuckling, looking down at me and saying, "What." in a mocking tone._

_"That's just how big kids play ring-around-the Rosy." He said laughing harder._

I shook my head sadly, too bad they don't know that ring-around-the Rosy is about the depressing black pledge.

"Kids have life easy. As they say, Ignorance is bliss" I mumbled to myself. "I shouldn't have ever grew up." I continued to talk to myself.

I found a tree that wasn't partially wet, and sat down. I leaned my head back, and softly banged it on the tree.

"I shouldn't have grew up." I mumbled to myself again. "Why not." A mans voice asked me.

I looked up, and saw a Rosy cheek boy smile at me. I cocked my head to the side, and examined him through the rain.

His light brown hair stuck to his forehead as rain drops poured down his cheeks. "Because every thing was simple when we were kids." I replied simply.

He smiled at me with his pearly whites, and said, "Yeah your right." He said shrugging his masculine shoulders, and sat down next to me. "What's your name?" I asked almost as a whisper.

"Danny, and yours?"

"Courtney." I said a bit louder

I propped my knees up, and laid my head down on them. I turned my face towards him. "Why are you taking the time on me?" I asked him

"Because of my phobia." He laughed, and went into the same position as me.

I smiled at him, and asked "What would that be."

"When girls cry." He said, biting on the inside of his cheek.

The color drained from my face, and put on my lying voice, "Its raining, I'm not crying." I said softly.

"Many people catch you in lies a lot huh?" He said smirking. I looked shocked, and shook my head. "Actually not many can." I admitted.

"So wanna tell me why you are crying." He said, in a slight Tennessee accent. "Long story." I said, laughing to my self.

But it was a condescending laugh. The nervous laugh, that you make when you can't decide whether to cry, or go into a nervous break down.

"People say their stories are long.." He said taking a breath. "But I'm always disappointed, because they never are." He smiled sweetly at me.

"Or it's because they aren't ready to speak about them aloud. And I think that's your case."

"But." He said, standing up. "The way to a girls heart is ice cream." He said sweetly. I looked up at him, like a kid would to their hero.

He reached down, and stuck out his hand, and shook his head in the direction of cold stone.

I laughed, and got to my feet.

We started walking, and Danny slipped his hand into mine. They fit perfectly. I looked down at them, and apparently gave a weird look, because Danny pulled away mumbling "Sorry."

"No I liked it." I said reassuring him, and grabbing his hand back, and walked into cold stone.

We walked up to the counter, and checked out all of the assorted flavors of ice cream. "Wanna share?" I said, looking up to Danny.

I never noticed how cute he was. I caught myself gawking at him. "Sure." he said. Pointing to the cookies and creme. My smiled grew, and shook my head wildly. That was my favorite ice cream in the world! It gave me good memories.

_"Duncan you better be nice to Courtney." Said Duncan's mother, with a thick Italian accent. "And what if I don't!" A 10 year old Duncan shouted at his mother._

_"Cause if you don't....." A 9 year old Courtney shouted. "I'll do this!" I said, slapping Duncan in the head with Cookies and creme ice cream._

_Duncan growled, showing me his white teeth with one of them missing. I took a step back, but Duncan stalked closer, and closer, till he finally tackled me to the ground._

_"You stupid Brat." I remember him shout._

I laughed softly at that memory, and ran my fingers through my hair. "What's funny." Danny said, turning towards me. I looked up at him, and smiled "Good memories with Cookies and creme ice cream." I said, laughing.

He smirked, and sat down at a near by bench. "Tell me about it." He said passing me a spoon, and dug into our ice cream. "It wouldn't make sense, unless I told you from the begining." I said,waving my hand in a gesture, before taking a spoon full of cookie.

"Then start from the begining." He said, straightning up.

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**9 years into the Future.**

"Ugh." I said. "He was a stupid pretty boy, wasn't he." I said, groaning to my wife. She rolled her eyes at me, and flipped through the channels of the T.V. "He's still my bestfriend to this day." She said, giving me a dirty look.

"And you've met him multiple times." She said, continuing to channel surf. "I have?" I said,truthfully really not remembering a 'Danny'.See my inner thoughts even sneer at his name!

Courtney made a huffing noise, and said, "Last Thursday at dinner!" She said, going an octave louder. "You are such a meat head sometimes."

"Oh!" I said, laughing. "That's the dude that kept making fun of you." I said, remembering him. "I like that dude." I said smirking knowing I ticked her off with that comment.

She continued to stare at the T.V, but her brown skin turned a reddish color. "Oops I didn't mean to insult you." I said, sarcastically.

She glared at me ,and said "Couch." Getting off of my bed for the night. I groaned, and laid my head down.

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**I decided the main story is in Courtney POV most of the time. And Duncan's POV during the future scenes. Hey does anybody like the future part because if none of you do I can cut it out. Also thanks for the reviews. I expect 10 reviews. SO R&R or else.**

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	4. Splaters

**No infringement intended to the TDI and TDA corporation.**

**Dear Diary**

**Chapter 3**

I heard Danny start coughing dramatically. I smirked slightly at him. "My story long enough yet for you, because I could always go on," I said full of sarcasm. What a pile of bullshit. He doesn't know half of it. Danny waved his hand at me and said, "Let's save the rest for another day." I inwardly smiled at the thought of him saying that we will see each other on another day.

_Good idea._

It's only been a couple of hours since I met Danny, but he cheered me up from my depressive let-down, so he's okay in my book.  
_Really OK in my book._

He was extremely charming, nice - did I say gorgeous? Nope I didn't. Gorgeous. Everything was perfect about him, but he was missing a certain flair. A certain flair that every boy that I dated never had. And I sadly know what that flair was. Green hair, blue eyes and lip piercing. I grimaced at my internal thought.

"Is there something wrong?" Danny asked me. Oh crap, I was ignoring him. "No, sorry," I said apologetically.  
_Yes, everything is wrong with me._

We started conversations almost about everything. I learned that he had about 3 brothers and sisters on both sides and that he was the oldest. My only response to that was "poor boy." We both laughed at each other and it just felt right.  
_What a fake laugh._

Danny's phone beeped and he look down at me apologetically. I waved him off. "Go ahead," I said nicely. "I'll live," I added dramatically. "Hopefully."  
_I'm already dead on the inside.  
_

Danny chuckled at me and thought for a minute. "Meet me here tomorrow same time?" My inward smile grew and grew till it showed on my face. "Okay," I said.  
_Yeah, keep my busy and away from my depressing thoughts._

"Great," Danny said, rushing towards the door. "See you tomorrow," he yelled out the door. I started thinking of the possibilities of Danny and I. It was confusing. I couldn't necessarily say that Duncan was back in my life, but whenever I thought of something, my head traveled back to him. I knew what would happen if Danny and I became a thing. I would end up breaking his heart for the one boy I couldn't have.  
Duncan.

It always happens to me. Whenever I find the perfect boy that makes my heart soar, I find out in the end that it's not soaring for him. I don't even know why I still have feelings for him. Everything that happened a few years back was my fault. I couldn't stand the pressure and I just cracked, Slipped and broke. And I always knew that Duncan would never forgive me. If I had just kept my mouth shut, she would have never jumped and Duncan wouldn't have gone down that path. I grimaced at the thought of seeing that. Her beautiful limbs flopping around in the air untill she hit the ground. I remembered hearing that noise, too. All my cheering up, that Danny had worked so hard on, went straight out the window. I stilled had the nightmares. Nightmares full of darkness and just the noises she made when she hit the ground. Splat.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. Nothing ever worked. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw her threatening face. I've learned to put a mask over myself. To let people think that I have healed, but truly I haven't.  
Even though I know that I'll never get over Duncan, at least I have somebody now that will not make me feel so hollow. So empty.  
Danny.

That sounds sick. Using somebody to heal. But as much as I wanted to feel bad there was always a part of me saying: "It's my time to shine and not his."  
Could a dead star still shine? Hopefully. One day I might find out. Probably not. It was like taking a fire hose to the sun. Not happening.

I crossed the street and headed up to my house. I was exhausted on the inside. Acting like a sane person always made me tired. I stepped in my room to find a book displace "Noah did say the Twilight book sucked." I looked over to my couch to see him fast asleep. I slightly laughed another fake laugh. Is it sad that I try to lie to myself? I think so. I rolled my eyes at myself and headed to my bathroom to strip down. I put on my PJ's and lay in my bed and did the only thing I knew how to do to get myself to go to sleep. I cried.  
_Splat. Splat. Splat._

**9 years into the future.**

"Wow," Duncan said, listening to what I said about the diary page I wrote. "We were some fucked-up kids," Duncan said, trying to ease the tension. I rolled my eyes at his barbaric attitude to a serious predicament. I couldn't say I minded it though. I've been married to this idiot for 5 years and I have a good feeling it will never change

"It's true," he said, reading my mind. I shook my head in a sarcastic way. "Yeah, it kinda is," I said, smiling at him. I felt his body stiffen. "You had feelings for that 'Danny' kid," he said, empathizing Danny.  
"Yeah, I did," I said truthfully. "But not anymore," I continued, trying to calm him down before he said or did something retarded.

"He's not coming over for dinner anymore," Duncan said grumpily. "Oh my god, Duncan," I said, annoyed by his stupidity. "We're both married, for Pete's sake," I said, yelling an octave louder.  
"Is she hot?" Duncan let slip out. Stupid ass.

"Coach."

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**THANK YOU for the lateness. R&R and it'll be in your inbox next week(:**


	5. Larry and I will soon live happily ever

**Disclaimer:/Don't own TDA or TDI. If did there would be more F bombs. Like fuck, fuck, fuck.**

**Chapter 5**

**Larry and I will soon live happily ever after**

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_I shook my head begging for him to quit. I was praying to the knightly saint to let me wake up and realize that I'm living a life in a dream. Because today was the day that I'm placing every single regret, lie, rape and, abuse on the captain's table. It didn't matter who I brought down since it would be over. I had faced too many nightmares, too many battles. I'm completely done. I said my encouraging speech as I sat here in the head of police chief's office at the Ontario Apartment of Law. I took soft deep breaths trying to prevent the rain pedals from dripping out of my eyes. It was all a fail because there was soon a box of tissues placed in front of me. I had not noticed a bulking man with a shiny bald head in front of me. He had a gun strapped to his waist with a badge pinned to his chest that looked freshly shined. We both stood up, he placed his meaty hand to the middle of my back as he led me to interrogation room. My breath soon turned into gasps right when he shined the bright light into my eyes and began the questions. The sad part of it all was that I was only 11._

_Today is the day where I made the biggest mistake of my life._

"Oh my god." I screamed at Noah. "If you don't stop rushing me I swear I'll..." I said not thinking of threat. I was too busy digging through a disgusting pile of clean and dirty clothes mixed together. I've never really been clean and organized person...Well after the accident. Wait make that plural "Accidents."

Everything didn't matter to me anymore. The emptiness I felt right now is like walking down a street called Marther Luther King and getting shot in the arm. But I'm sure 99% of everybody in this world would drop to the ground clutching their arm in pain, but I would look at you in disgust and start trying to pick the bullet out with my manicured nails. Nothing mattered.

"Or what Courtney." He said testing my patience with him. And that's one thing that never changed about me and, that's my patience with people. And I'll tell you this; there isn't a lot of it. See as you can tell I've hit the beaten path of insanity. I talk to my brain as if a person is sitting up there listening to every word I say. It's like my brain operates in third person point of view. But I don't mind. It's the only thing I can trust. I'm living off of survival and I need to talk to someone and that's my good ole friend brain. One day I should name him. How about Larry? Or is that to cliché'

"I don't even know Noah." I said trying to pull off that fake smile shit. But I'll tell you this Larry, it's a bunch of cow tongue. Noah looked at me funny and decided to have the last word. "You smile funny." And I could only laugh. One of the only real laughs that I can generate a sad laugh. Noah's eye twitched and he ignored me. "Just hurry up Courtney." He said agitated. I shrugged him off and continued to dig. And it's funny that I said that because, a couple of years ago I _dug_ my own grave.

***

Why do Monday mornings make me want to wish for 2012 to happen early? And no Larry I don't believe in that bull crap, I'm just wishing it would happen. It'd be wonderful to make this shit-filled world disappear. Or in scientific form, have the earth eat itself or some shit like that. I gave up on my mental debate on what really happens in 2012 and just lugged myself to class.

I plopped myself down and began flipping through the pages in my World History textbook. Oh looky, here were studying the Aztec period. I smirked at the thought of are class debate today. For once I think I might just participate. I thought this exactly when Mrs Warner are class teacher as for participants. I automatically raised my hand. Her silky blue eyes widened. We've only been in school a little over a month and my teachers already know not to bother me. Mental note Larry pat myself on the back later.

She scratched her red hair and looked at me funny. She was giving me the eye stating 'are you sure.' I smiled and stood up holding my history book. She shrugged her shoulders and called on a random boy in the classroom. Now days I didn't keep track of the rumors, drama, or social statuses of people but by the looks of him he looked like a nerd. And sadly I still felt encouraged.

The boy started off with a college qualified explanation, "The calendric year may have begun at some point in the distant past with the first appearance of the Pleiades in the east immediately before the dawn light. But due to the precession of the Earth's axis, it fell out of favor to a more constant reference point such as a solstice or equinox. Early Spanish chroniclers recorded it being celebrated in proximity with the spring equinox. The calendar has been accurate so far." He took a deep breath and smiled at me.

"True, true." I said smiling at him. I dropped my book with a big plop and began. "But I have to disagree, my friend." I said looking at him smugly. Are you positive that the Aztecs didn't just run out of fucking rock to finish the calendar?" The class started to hoot with laughter and the boy blushed and MrsWarner gave me a look and said," Language."

"Are you religious?" I asked him seriously. He looked at me weirdly and answered, "Yeah." I nodded my head and said, "Then you should believe that when God wants us to die he will kill us randomly." "Unless your atheist or whatever you shouldn't worry about the Aztecs." Mrs. Warner look at me appalled but slightly amused. "But if God is secretly an Aztec then we're all just fucked." The class busted out laughing again and even with my foul language Mrs. Warner seemed entertained. The boy even had a goofy smile on him face.

"Debate closed." He said with a laugh in his voice. "I agree."

And today is the day were I tried hard as possible to start over. Maybe me and Larry will one day accept life.

_***_

I had my date with Danny today and I couldn't break the smile of my face. I knew he didn't understand one bit of what I went through but it doesn't matter. He's the one person that's tried to comfort me without trying to understand. I didn't need you to understand, I needed a pat on the back and a kiss on the cheek telling me I'll be okay.

"Get out Noah." I said bluntly while he sat in his usual spot reading a book. Noah was the friend that didn't need to talk to you to hang out with you. He knew just that his presence in the room made me feel _somewhat-_alive. Larry don't laugh at my quotation of _somewhat._

He looked up from his book confused. "Why?" He said blowing the loose strands of shaggy hair out of his face. "Because..." I said pausing to empathize the point. "I have a date."'

That made Noah sit straight up. "When I said get over it..." He said taking a pause in the middle of his sentence. "I meant to take steps." He doggy-eared the page of his book and walked over to me. "And that doesn't mean throwing your feelings on a hook waiting for a barracuda to commit the snatch and grab technique. I rolled my eyes at him and said, "He's a good guy."

"That's what every woman says 2 hours before there calling their best friend who happens to be a guy to come a kick the shit of the _good guy_." Noah said crossing his arms. I giggled at him. "Aren't you lacking in the ass-kicking department." I said eyeing his small forearms. "Actually no." He said smiling at me. "This one series I've been reading gots' some pages." He said smiling. "These babies are getting a work out." He said with his smile turning into a smirk and flexing at me.

I rolled my eyes at him and pointed to the door. "Fine, fine." He said pretending to be rushed. "But remember I could always stay." I wonder why he wants to stay so much. "I have to get changed." I said making up an excuse. "I've already seen you naked, no spark." He said fast rushing out the door. I grabbed his arm, bent it and asked him how.

"The day after she jumped." He said looking at me funny. "When you thought it was your turn. But Duncan didn't let you." He said with his serious face turning into a smile. "And that's my only reason for a small ounce of respect for that guy." Noah walked out the door seeming proud of himself for getting that of his chest.

_Splat._

**Authors note: Finally published, thanks to my temporary BETA its finally out. Ed-songy thanks!**


	6. Working on improvment

**DEAR DIARY. **

**WORKING ON IMPROVEMENT. **

**CHAPTER 6.**

_I haven't been writing for a couple of reasons. First I didn't hit my review count. Second I'm clinically depressed. I cant sleep,eat,or think without suicidal thoughts, so beyond the point I'm not in the best shape. So Read it, Review it, so everyone besides me can live happily ever after.-childlike complexion._

My date with Danny was fascinating. He listened, I talked, and it was descent. I was worried at first that I might bore him with my dreadful storytelling. He didn't seem to mind. There was only one problem with are date, whenever he spoke my mind physiologically placed Duncan s head on his shoulders. I shook my head at least a hundred times to get that stupid imagery out of my skull, but whenever he spoke Duncan s head would appear. I'm sure Danny thought I had turrets. Duncan s face appeared with his jet black hair with the strike of green in his bang. Oh and that ever-lasting smirk that never seemed to disappear. I soon started interrupting him so I could escape from Duncan. So as far as the date went Larry, I screwed up.

Danny offered to walk me home but I had other plans. I knew I liked Danny but if that was going to work I had to talk to him. I hugged Danny goodbye and started walking towards our neighborhood. See Larry life always is testing me, to see if I'll break and hang myself from my closet coat hanger. My whole theatrical moment on life was to point out that life made him and I next door neighbors. I walked up cracked steps to his house. I skipped the third step remembering there was a gaping hole in the center that taunted people to step inside. I looked at my watch and hoped that it s not too late to be ringing there doorbell. The watched clicked to a stop and I clinched my petite hand into a fist and whacked it. The watched started up again and read nine PM. I sighed and turned around knowing that it was too late. I walked down the steps and forgot about the third one and ended up tumbling down there steps. I groaned in pain and sat up in a sitting position. There porch light clicked on and Mrs. Maurice answered the door, looking confused at me. I looked up at her with a fake smile knowing pain was written all over it.

"Third step." She asked me already knowing the answer. "Courtney, he s not here." I growled softly and nodded my head. "You know where I can find him." I asked politely. Mrs. Maurice sighed at me and walked down the steps.

She helped me up and sat me down on the second step. "Duncan s not the safest person to be around." She said starting off. "He still unstable and I'm thinking about sending him off. This time not military school. You two have been through a lot and Duncan isn t making any improvements even after military school, therapy, counseling anything you can think of. Maybe it s time we take the next step up and take him to a home..." My breath caught, I couldn't believe my ears.

"Mrs. Maurice..." I started off but she interrupted. "I've decided on it." I held up my hands and pleaded with her, I understand but maybe I can help. Duncan and I have been going through a lot and I'm still not the same. Maybe if we spent time together, maybe just maybe will fix each other. It'll take time getting through to him but we can only try." Mrs. Maurice looked at me with sorrowful eyes and nodded her head.

"Elm Street Courtney. Just look for a wild, out of control party. Wait here." She said holding up one finger. She came back with car keys. "Duncan s probably not in the best shape. Drive him home please?" I nodded my head and told Larry I'd try. I knew even when Duncan was drunk he'd still hate me.

I waved to Mrs. Maurice as I pulled out of her drive way. I turned left and headed down to Elm Street. I turned off the radio and drove in complete silence. It let my thoughts run around my membrane or nervous system whatever it s called. "I'm pretty sure its nervous system." Larry spoke for first time. I shook my head and laughed. Yep I found the end of the yellow brick road of insanity.

You could defiantly tell what house held the party because there were kids throwing up in turns on the front lawn. I pulled to a stop and jumped out. I walked I stepped on the sidewalk and tried avoiding the vomit. I finally reached the front door and thought about knocking but just walked in. I stepped inside and chocked on the smell of cigarettes and booze. I started walking around looking for him. I felt a beefy hand run across the lower half of my back. I jumped and turned around to see large man with the hint of weed roaming around him. "You don't seem to belong here, what s your name?" He said breathing deeply on me. Hopefully this isn't him trying to be attractive. I decided to be courteous for the first time in a while. "Your right, I don't belong here and do you know someone named Duncan." I asked looking up at him. He rolled his eyes in mock and said, "Come on babe don't think about that green punk. How about I show you around." I growled in irritation. "Listen Fuck don't call me a babe that is a pig and two answer my question before I roast your testicles on the Bonn fire that s roasting outside." My eyes flared with anger while he looked at me in shock. He rose his hand in anger and screamed "Bitch." His hand swung but was caught in another hand. I fast fist crunched into the pigs nose. He fell backwards onto the ground while I stood there in shock.

That same hand grabbed me roughly and spun me around. I looked up to a pair of piercing blue eyes, black hair and a green bang. "Outside." He growled at me. I started walking to the door looking like a child that just been scolded. Duncan grabbed the keys out of my hand and pushed against my back towards his mother s car. I knew he was mad. "Furious." Larry said in mock tone.

I sighed under my breath and reached for the car door. The door handle jammed into my back as he slammed me into the car door."What in the hell do you think your doing here." If I hadn't been scared I would have screamed in pain. Duncan looked into my eyes for a quick second and mumbled, Sorry." I opened my mouth but soon closed it. I promised Mrs. Maurice I'd get him home and, if I opened my mouth about her jump and his drug usage and his fathers murder he would not cooperate. As I soon thought back to everything that happened back then, nothing had to do with me. So why did I bump in. "Because your an idiot." Larry bluntly said to me.

"Leave Courtney." Duncan said awkwardly. "Not without you." I said. "Your mom made me promise to... I said but was interrupted with Duncan s laugh. It wasn't a happy laugh more of a twisted sick laugh. "You re so fucking naive." He said. "You really think I'm going to leave because my mommy told me to." He giggled again and continued, "Besides Brady in there needs another black eye." "Duncan its best if you leave." I said trying to persuade him. "Really!" He said in mock excitement. "Why Courtney? Please explain." "Because your moms thinking about sending you to a home, so I suggest you cooperate and I can get you out of going." I said looking down away from his eyes. His eye softly twitched and smirked, Like the only utensil I get to use is a spoon kind of home?" He making a joke out of this. "Just get in the car Duncan." I said aggravated. He looked at me for a while and said, You know what? I think I will." I took a nervous deep breath and got behind the wheel.

**9years into the future.**

"Why is it whenever you tell a story that I sound like an ass?" I asked my wife while she made dinner. She laughed loudly at me and said, "Because you are one." I shrugged my shoulders in agreement and continued to pace in the kitchen waiting for my dinner. "Will you sit down, your rushing me." Courtney said. " I smirked at her back and said,"Nope." Popping the "P" in nope. Courtney got really quiet but soon giggled when the door bell rang. She raced to go get it but I grabbed her waist and pushed her back towards the stove. "I'll get it darling." I said looking at her suspicious cheesy grin. I opened the front door and there appeared that loser boy Danny and, his hot wife. Ha! Mines hotter so I win.


	7. Im so not sorry

_Sorry its short. My review count is going down to 5 because even without your reviews I like writing this. Makes me feel better. But review anyway, brings a little hope into my future._

"You grew up a lot." I heard him say. My eyes flickered over to him but quickly looked away. I was too nervous to say a word back.  
"You even grew boobs." He mumbled to himself. I felt my face get hot as I said, "Yeah." Even I could hear that my voice was a pitch higher than usual and that my voice cracked.

"I'm still mad you know." I heard him say calmly. "That was supposed to be my year. Were I forgot about Lilly and the drugs. But in the end I lost both and even my life. She's dead. Two grand in drugs disappeared and I was sent away for a long, long time." I cringed down deeper into my seat and sped up at good ten miles.  
"I use to think Lilly killing herself used to be your fault. But when I realized that if I had never done such a fucked up things she'd still be here. Courtney if you think about it two grand is a lot.

I want to say sorry for everything but it's just not my job. Courtney one day you're going to have to realize that you can't handle the world and you make mistakes. One day you're going to have to say sorry to me, Lilly and, yourself. But then when I was rotting in my jail cell I realized that you saved Lilly. From her dad. And that even this semi pro boxer makes mistakes. You saved Lilly and I regret putting all the blame on you. But I still don't forgive you. And I won't ever say sorry"

Tears dripped down my face and I pressed on the gas pedal harder. "Okay." Is the only thing I could manage to push through the frog in my throat. My hands started to shake and my body stiffened. I saw Duncan reach over and grabbed the wheel. I didn't let go.

_"Duncan what's that?" I said with a toothy grin on my face. I just had the tooth fairy visit me and there still was a gaping hole in my mouth. I remember asking him why he had so many plastic Baggies.  
"Its candy." I heard Duncan mutter. "Ooo I want some." I said throwing my hand out towards him. I remember him giving me a worried expression and stuttering over his words. "Big kid candy Court." I frowned at him and pushed my hand farther into his face. "Mrs. Maurice said you have to share because its only fare." I said repeating her words to the key. Duncan frowned at me and gave me the look.  
The look. The get the Fuck out of my face now look.  
_

_He finished placing different colored smarty-looking candies into the plastic bags and shoved them into his backpack. "Listen court, I'll be right back and don't tell my mom." I gave him a funny look and said, "No candy, No deal." He growled at me and slapped his fore head.  
"I'll bring you home some smarties."  
_

Diary: My heart clenched at the pain I felt of Duncan's side of the story. I knew there was more to come but how was I supposed to live through something that I barely made it through the first time. Life is a battle. Life is hell. Life is something that a weak person should not feel. I was weak.

* * *

9years later.

"I went to her grave last year." I mumbled to Court. I had never told Courtney that I still visited her grave because I knew it would tear Courtney's heart apart. And as said so Courtney looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "I also went back to Seminole High. They have her grave centered in the court yard."  
"And Courtney I'm sorry." 


	8. past and present

You know my delima, Just review it.-Childlike Complexion.

Dear Diary.

past previews_  
_

_**Duncan's Pov.**_

_"Lilly don't do this." I shouted up at her. She stood high and tall above Seminole highs parking lot. I have no clue how she made it to the roof without being caught but that's not the point. I could see dripping tears from 100 feet below. She grabbed her head and inched further up towards the ledge._

_"If you jump you're a coward!" I continued to encourage her to backing up. But in all trueness Lilly was the total opposite of a coward. I remember weeping while Lilly was being checked from spinal injuries. He father was an aggressive drunk that couldn't appreciate and handle the family lifestyle. The story was that Lilly and her mother were going to run but were stopped mid step from when the drunk returned home. Lilly was thrown into a glass mantle and had stitches up his back, while her mother was beaten and raped till death._

_Lilly screamed out of pain. "Duncan I can't make it...I can't" She yelled down to me. My eyes widened and my heart beat sped up. "Lilly please, I love you." I would have been on my knees if I wasn't in so much shock. She continued to shake her head, no. "Lilly count to 100 and I'll be there." She screamed out one and grabbed her head in pain._

_The school bell rang as I ran through it towards the nearest elevator. I knocked over a small girl and jumped over her fragile body. I pushed over a girl on crutches and slammed my hand onto the roof button. But I needed a key. I screamed out a loud Fuck. And I raced over to a teacher and yanked off their key tag and completely ignored their screaming. They grabbed my arm; I swung at them and continued running towards the elevator. I stepped inside and shoved the key in. The elevator was taking forever so I pressed the close button a million times. I saw the school police chasing towards the elevator. But it closed in perfect timing._

_I finally reached the roof top and rounded the corner to see Lilly pointing a gun at her temple."Best parts of life haven't been lived yet."_  
_I cried her name and darted towards her. Her blood shot eyes opened wide as she pulled the trigger. Boom. Blood squirted onto me. I could see the gaping bullet hole that rested on the side of her skull while her body fell backwards off the rooftop. Her eyes didn't do the traditional close but almost popped out of her skull. A fleshy and juicy clump of her encephalon or brain splattered onto the V line of my jersey. My body halted, my brain stopped, and Lilly's body plunged over the edge._  
_And I stood there in panic, being handcuffed, and with poor Lilly's blood resting on my flesh. Splat, Splat,Splat.*_

_**Lilly's Pov.**_

_I didn't pay any attention to what was being thrown into the bags in my room. I had to leave and leave now. My mom charged through my door and started helping me throw things into my bags. We headed towards the car but I stopped mid step. I forgot my favorite diary._  
_"What's wrong?" My mom said out of breath. I held up a finger and raced back up stairs and went to my secret hiding spot. "It was a dull black notebook. It had gold ridges with swirls indented in it. Inscribed on the front of the notebook in gold were the words... A Princess's Diary" I grabbed the diary but stopped again. I heard screaming down stairs and, I knew he was home._

_"You fucking bitch." I heard him scream below. My body trembled with fear as I acted on instinct. I went and helped my mom. I stopped again and calmly walked back into my room. I grabbed Duncan's old pocket knife that he engraved are initials into. And I creeped down the steps and saw him have his hands wrapped around the woman who gave birth to me, neck._

_I pulled the knife out of its crevice and raised it above his back. My mother saw me but kept her mouth shut. I closed my eysand my hand trembled but I was forcing it to go down. I grinded my teeth together and stabbed him in the back. He screamed out in pain and dropped my mother. I kept my eyes shut because I was disgraced with myself. I was a verbal fighter. Nobody deserved to be hurt, that was god's power._

_I felt someone wrap their arms around me and whisper, "It's all over" I sighed and laid farther into my mother's arms but, a sick majestic laugh ruined it. My eyes snapped back open to see my father grab me by the hair and slam my petite body into the family glass mantle. I felt shards of glass erupt through my body and then I saw black. But heard every word, scream and plea._

_My mother had been raped and I could do nothing._

_** Courtney's Pov**._

_"Duncan why do you this?" Lilly asked him with her angelic voice. Duncan looked up at him with a sad expression."Lilly life leads people down different paths. You run down the yellow one and I run down the red one. I am forced Lilly. I remember the first time, the adrenaline, the thrill to be _

_doing something that nobody was supposed to. But then the fun stopped when I saw people fall left and right. Lilly I saw people die! And Lilly I'm doing this for you; they'll kill you if I don't handle this. They know you're my weakness. The thing I loved the most._

_My eyes watered at him saying that. Even if I was ten and Duncan was 13 or 14 it still hurt. I've always had a crush on him and in his eyes I'll always be his midget, runt, Next door neighbor._

_"Duncan I'll be fine." I heard Lilly re insure him. "No you won't." He shouted at her. He flipped open his pocket knife and headed towards his closet. "Uh oh." I muttered to myself. I hid behind his balcony curtain. It was too wavy for anyone to tell I stood behind there. I heard scratching coming from Duncan's closet. "This is bad, whenever Duncan pulls out the stash, it's an emergency."_

_Even at the age of ten, I had figured out I needed to grow up a bit faster than usual kids. Duncan always looked stressed when I spoke to him so I needed to figure out what all these big words meant. I figured out that 4-2-0 was one of the busiest holidays he has. And today happened to be 4-19. He was the middle man which meant he was between the producer and the buyer. He was the seller. I figured out why he always wore baggy black clothes when he went out randomly, to make him look years older. I also figured out that what I thought were smarties weren't smarties. They were ruffies and special K. _

_I also figured out why he had a pistol under the mattress. Protection._  
_But there wasn't one thing I didn't know. How the dealing went down. And I was going to find out tonight._

_**Noah's Pov.**_

_I paced back and forth angrily in Courtney's room. I had a habit of staying over here since my parents were always having passionate, loud and, aggressive sex. Oh what torture it was hearing them make such sick noises. Grunts and moans were all through the night like hillbillies like NASCAR. Even how close me and Courtney where I could never bring myself to admit my delima with anybody, not even my sick parents._

_But that fact that I was so angry with Courtney because I knew exactly where she was, Duncan's*_

_Diary: Disgrace isn't in my pocket dictionary?_

_*Make sure that you notice that the diary description is the same that it was in the first chapter. Also make note of what the last sentence Lilly said before she died. Its extremely important for this story to work.*_

* * *

I heard him grunt as he lifted, well dragged my helpless excuse of a body up the stairs. I wasn't that heavy was I? I was barely hitting a hundred pounds. Well we did have this reversed, He was the drunk one, wasn't I supposed to be dragging his sorry excuse of a man up the stairs. Apparently not. When he finally hit the top step he dropped me and fell on top of me. I tried not to make a noise, I was asleep.

I felt his muscular chest press down upon me. His electric heart pounded relentlessly against me. I sucked in a deep breath and, opened my eyes. I felt him tense from above me. The speed of his heart increased while light, shell pink formed around his cheeks and nose. He moved to get off of me but I did the least expected. I grabbed his shoulder and held him there. I looked at his sky blue eyes and said,"I would never expect you to forgive me." I felt his stomach tense beneath me. "But for me to forgive myself, know there is a reason for everything I do. Promise me that you understand that." I stared at his eyes as there turned darker and darker. He leaned forwards and was no further than centimeters away from my lips, "Isn't there aways a plan for Courtney Vanessa Williams?"

I couldn't help but smile. "You've grown up Courtney." He murmured to me. "I regret that I missed your first boyfriend, you dumped him right?" I smiled at him and nodded my head. "What I don't regret " he said breathing on me. "Is you first period." My eye twitched but I kept smiling at him. "Your not missing anything. I'm not eligible to have children Duncan." His eyes widened and mumbled an apology. He look down past my eyes and kept them there. I slid down to were are eyes met and, gave me a look. "Do you really not forgive me." I said, even to me my voice sounded desperate. He sighed and rested his head on my eye and shook it back in forth. "Courtney Stop talking about this." I couldn't give up on the fact that he would never look at me the same. "No." I said with my voice cracking. He looked up at me and blew in my face. "Cry babies are never winners court. Remember that?" He said with a chuckle in his voice. I didn't't even crack a smile. He sighed and leaned down closer than he was before.

Closer and Closer he was towards my lips. I parted mine slightly, closed my eyes, and waited. Nothing but him getting off of me. and he didn't think of me the same way I thought of him. And what way did I think of him?


	9. Love likes to strike hard

AN:/These will be short. Some previous chapters have been combined. Sorry for the inconvenience.

"Bailing me in isn't something that I can forgive and forget." Duncan mumbled into my ear as he caressed my back with his muscular hand. "You caused me great hell kid." He continued. Duncan continued to remind me of the sickening past. He'd prick a sensitive subject, and inflame a sensitive part of my body, like the lower earlobe. He'd hurt me and then cause great pleasure.

"I don't expect you too." I whispered back as Duncan pushed his body as close as he could to mine. "Good because it's not happening." He then lowered his hand as close as he could without touching me proactively. Oh how I ached for his touch.

"Why didn't you kiss me earlier?" I asked ignoring the pain in my chest the pegged for exception.

He blew a heavy sigh and rubbed his nose in my hair, it came out illegible because of the fact. I shook him out of my hair and rolled on top of him grabbing his face. ""Why didn't you kiss me earlier?" I asked again for the second time. He ran his bruised fingers through his hair and said, "I was drunk." I looked at him with disgust and spoke, "Bullshit."

"Courtney I grew up in boot camp, prison, boot camp, prison. It's in my DNA not to trust anyone with my emotions. My heart is on the edge of a cliff with this stupid illusion that maybe, just maybe I can forgive you. My body, my mind is telling me not to let an intruder in. Fight, defend, fight, defend, no matter what the cost is." He spoke directly through his soul.

"Duncan, I… I know you know this but what I did was because I was scared, Terrified. I couldn't in my head let this continue. Our lifes were shattering into a billion pieces and I couldn't take it. Every day I lived in a lie…I was a child. My heart, my soul, knew what was happening was wrong. Duncan if I could go back in time, I almost wouldn't change a thing." Tears leaked through my eyes.

He grabbed my hair, and looked directly up at me into my eyes like he was reading the inner me. "Why would you ruin our lifes for a second time."

"I love you Duncan, that's why! You were on the edge of giving your life to the streets. You were a different person, your heart, and soul was on the edge of true blackness, it wasn't you. I couldn't stand it. I was a child and could notice it, everyone could! You scared society, you were an alibi to those drug dealers, you would have been cut sooner or later. So Duncan the reason I told was to save the inner you, to change the way we worked completely. Consequences happened and I feel pain everyday about it." Tears were fully streaming down my cheeks.

Duncan looked at me with full astonishment. He voice cracked and his stuttered over his words, "You l-love me?"

"Tell me what love is, and I'll give you an honest answer."

Diary: _You don't know love till it breaths deeply in your ear, and makes you have dirty urges._

Future: "So I gave you dirty urges, huh?" Duncan taunted into my ear. I gave him a sly look and muttered, "You know exactly what you did, sly fuck." Duncan chuckled and turned off the bedroom lights and that's when he replayed those dirty urges.

AN:/ I haven't updated in what 6 months. Ouchie mamma. Well I'm updating (trying) every story so if this isn't your favorite, favorite, It'll be coming soon I swears. Oh and I know its short. The last chapter is a hard bitch to connect with the next one coming.

-childlike complexion


	10. information and a short diary chapter

I'm struggling with home issues, then high school issues (freshman right here) But one of my school assignments is to right a story about a high school character that deals with trauma, despair, and life lessons. But it has to intertwine with the famous book the Odyssey. I was going to do Duncan and Courtney (In Duncan's POV) It will be coming out soon and if you want an actual story that is frequently updated and doesn't drag on like a piece of shit like this one, then that will be your lifesaver.

All I'm trying to do is not disappoint you guys with not updating my stories that often. Plus it's my grade assignment.

Dear Diary INSERT:

"You shot love from my soul. Murdered it with your bare hands." He grunted towards her. "But I stopped you from committing real murder." She gave him with droopy eyes.


End file.
